Monday 16 July 2012

A Wake Up Call

So i haven't posted in a while. The reason is because i didn't want to write down that i am just a weak piece of shit. 
I want my old body back, when i could see my bones, when i could wear a jumper and actually drown in it. And i know this may sound weird, but i loved it when i felt the cold. It was just another reminder that i was thin. I stepped on the scales this morning and saw a number i really never want to see again. I just want to stop eating but i know that is quite impossible really. I'm scared that i will never be thin again and that i will just become fatter and fatter. That would be my worst nightmare. I just don't know how to control myself, i have become so uncontrollable, i hate it, this makes me feel sick. 
I don't even have the energy to cry, i have been here sooo many times before it's actually getting boring now. I just don't know what to do anymore. 
Sorry this is such a morbid post, hopefully my next one will be a bit more upbeat :(.

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6 comments:

  1. Rayya16 July 2012 at 13:21

    aw logan *hug* I know you will get back on track, its doable we just need to summon some willpower and control from somewhere!
    I know what you mean... I also miss feeling cold as crazy as that sounds to someone else.. I want to wear nothing but tights and a jumper and feel delicate and look fragile i a sexy way.. man i miss my bones..
    what fast are you going to do??
    I want in ;)
    stay strong!
    - Rayya xx

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    1. Logan24 July 2012 at 14:05

      Hey, thanks :).
      Me too, that's why i love the winter so much, so i have an excuse to cover up but i don't want to do that anymore. Same, i feel sick when i say that but it's so true, i love waking up in the morning and being able to feel my collarbones and hipbones.
      I'm not sure i might just do a liquid fast, what about you?
      Logan x x

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  2. Ruby Tuesday18 July 2012 at 01:37

    Hey Logan, I'm Ruby and I've just found your blog
    I'm sorry you are struggling but I can identify a lot

    Hang in there,

    Much love x

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    1. Logan24 July 2012 at 14:06

      Hey, thank you, that really means alot to me. I am going to check out your blog :)
      Love Logan x x

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  3. Just Me21 July 2012 at 19:37

    Im sorry boo! Don't worry, you are not crap. You just have to keep your head up! Just know you have a support group around you.

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    1. Logan24 July 2012 at 14:07

      Aww thank you. It's just soo hard. Do you ever get them days where you just feel like nothing is worth it? I think i was just having one of them :).
      And thankyou for the support honey
      Love Logan x x

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