Yay! Yesterday and today have been a success so far. I have restricted myself quite well which i am so proud of. I was in Sainsburys this afternoon and i nearly bought a chocolate bar, i know naughty. But i didn't, i just walked away and bought what i needed to. Which is how it should be. So i just found out that my friend won't be coming back from her holiday, which upset me quite alot. I was beyond shocked when i found out because she only told me the day before. Everything just felt like a blur that day. I don't think i have ever been in shock like that before. I hadn't even eaten that day and i didn't even feel hungry, i couldn't feel any emotion. It was so weird. So i don't know if i will be seeing her again, which is sad. But she didn't even give me a proper goodbye :(.
However i am still going to try and lose as much weight as i possibly can within these two weeks. I have decided not to weigh myself yet though. The reason for this is because i have been looking at the triggers that lead me to a binge and weighing myself and not seeing the number i want triggers me. So i will probably weigh myself when i am ready. don't know when that will be yet, but i will let you know as soon as i step on those scales.
Enough said from me :).
Love Logan x x

Why Is It So Hard To Survive?

Binged again today and hated every moment of it. I wish i could take it back but this world is cruel and won't let me do that. Did well yesterday though, i fasted up until 7pm and then had some nuts. I also walked about 4 miles in the heat and yep, i was sweating when i got home. I also went to the gym and went on the treadmil for 40 minutes which i think burned about 220 cals. So i didn't do too bad. I just wish i didn't fuck it up today.
My friend is going on holiday for two weeks so i want to lose as much weight as possible for when she gets back. She probably won't notice because she is just one of them people but i just want to see how much i can lose in those two weeks.
I am not going to weigh myself though, i am just going to judge if i have lost by the way my clothes fit, then that way my mood won't reflect on what the scale has to say.
So starting again tomorrow with my fast. Wish me luck
Love Logan x x

Shit!

Things aren't going how i wanted them too :(. I am annoyed, stressed, irritated and sad. The only thing i have wanted for years is to be thin but why is it so hard? :(.
Sorry i haven't posted in a while but things have been pretty hectic and i just haven't really had the time. And thank you to my new followers. It's lovely to see you :).
I am thinking about doing a fast until Sunday, which i won't be completely fasting, i will allow myself juice and coffee. But i just want to feel empty again. That feeling always makes me high ;).
I only have one year left until i qualify to become a hairdresser and that got me thinking about where i want to  be and what i want to do within this next year. So i have made a list of some things i would like to have completed by this time next year. Sort of like New Years resolutions :)
I thought i would share them with you.

1. Lose weight and get into a size 0.
2. Learn to drive and pass my test.
3. Run at least 3 times a week.
4. Make more time for family and friends.
5. Qualify as a stylist.
6. See my brother.

That's all i have for now but i am going to add a page to my blog so i can add to it if i want. I do  have pacific dates that i want to complete these by but i will also put that on the page too.

I hope you are all doing well and the weight is dropping off of you :).

Thankyou 

Love Logan x x

A Wake Up Call

So i haven't posted in a while. The reason is because i didn't want to write down that i am just a weak piece of shit. 

I want my old body back, when i could see my bones, when i could wear a jumper and actually drown in it. And i know this may sound weird, but i loved it when i felt the cold. It was just another reminder that i was thin. I stepped on the scales this morning and saw a number i really never want to see again. I just want to stop eating but i know that is quite impossible really. I'm scared that i will never be thin again and that i will just become fatter and fatter. That would be my worst nightmare. I just don't know how to control myself, i have become so uncontrollable, i hate it, this makes me feel sick. 

I don't even have the energy to cry, i have been here sooo many times before it's actually getting boring now. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

Sorry this is such a morbid post, hopefully my next one will be a bit more upbeat :(.

Failing :(

Yup, you guessed it right, i am having a shit time losing weight, everything was going so well and now i am back to square one. It's not fair, i just want to be thin. But something keeps stopping me. I have been here so many times before i just feel like i wont be able to do this anymore. I will just end up even fatter and soon i will be obese. I have stopped wearing skinny jeans because my legs look so horrid in them.
Everyone was asking today, why do i always wear baggy trousers.
I need some help and motivation, everything is just going wrong right now. If you have any tips, i will gladly take them. Thankyou
Love Logan x x

New Start!

Today was one of them days again. I was doing really well eating wise, but i just felt sick all the time and i knew it was because i was hungry. So i had some go ahead slices to help. Then i went to the gym and did some running and rowing which was really good. Afterwards i went to my friends which was nice because we had a good old catch up. But then i started to feel sick again. I tried to ignore it but it wouldn't go away. So i had some Doritos which turned to ice cream and magic stars. Shit! Dreading weighing in tomorrow, if it is bad i might not post what my weight is. As long as it's not over 115lbs i won't be too concerned.
I think i may do another page on here with some of my diet plans, it will help keep me on track and hopefully motivate me.
I got a new car a couple of days ago (i can't drive yet though), but i am so excited to start having lessons, because i can't wait to drive. The only thing i am worried about is that i will become lazy and won't be able to do enough exercise to compensate for my long walk to and from work. However i will think of that when the time comes.
Thought i would post a little thinspo for you today :)

Why, Oh Why?

I ate a ton of biscuits and a packet of crisps today. No utter reason for it, i wasn't forced to eat it, so i shouldn't have had them. I had them because i am a shit eating fatso. 
I am not going to weigh myself until Tuesday because Tuesdays are the start of the week for me. Dreading it would be a understatement. I am shitting myself because i know the number on the scale is not going to be good.
I don't know whether to do the SGD, ABC or the 2468 diet. I like all of them. Out of all of them i did find the SGD the easiest one so i might start with that one and then do the other ones next.
So today i went to see my grandad who i haven't seen since Christmas. I was about 15lbs lighter then, i wonder if they noticed how fat i had gotten. However next time i want them to see that i have lost weight and am not really as fat as they think.
Feeling a bit sick and bloated from them biscuits now, i deserve it though. I am going to go and change and then hop into bed.
Night
Love Logan x x

Jealous Much?

I am sick, sick in the head. I need help. I can't believe i am jealous. There is this women that i know and she is anorexic. She is quite thin, i would say at least 7stone and she is very tall. The reason i am jealous is because she has the control that i want. I used to have that control and now i don't know where its gone. She is starting to get treatment and she has decided to do this on her own. At first i couldn't understand why she would want it out of her own choice. Because she would be losing that control and she would have to put on weight and that is the most terrifying thing. But now i understand, she just wants to be healthy and happy and see her kids grow up. And also she doesn't want her kids noticing that their mummy won't eat much or even eat at all. She is so strong to admit that she has a problem and ask for help. I really do admire her because that takes a lot of guts.
But i still can't help but think why would she want to give this all up? The thrill of losing weight, seeing how small you can get and most of all having that control.
I am not ready to give it up but in the back of my mind, i would like help one day, i am just not ready for it. In some ways i do think i have an eating disorder because my relationship with food is not healthy and i always have food, sizes, calories, weight, numbers, thinspo on my mind whether i am talking to a client at work or walking home listening to my iPod. It's annoying :(. But then sometimes i don't think i do because i am not thin and i don't really have the physical symptoms of an eating disorder. It's just so confusing.
Today has been awful food wise, i don't even want to talk about it.
But tomorrow is a new day and a new week, i think i am going to do the ABC tomorrow :).
Have a nice day.
Love Logan x x

Unhappy :(

The weathers miserable and so am i. It's been raining non-stop all day :(. Don't get me wrong i actually do like the rain, but when it is supposed to be summer, i like to see the sun. I have been eating pretty good since i last posted :). But i just feel like i have eaten too much, even when it really isn't. Today i had a french baguette (with nothing inside, not even butter, i hate butter), 2 hot dog sausages and a seafood stick, thats all. I just feel really guilty. Probably because the baguette is carbs and the two sausages are just full of crap.
I had quite alot of energy as well today which i was surprised at because i haven't really eaten enough and also because on Wednesday i felt really lightheaded and dizzy.
I also weighed myself this morning and i was 112.8. So happy right now. I haven't been this low since February. I really need to go to the gym as well, i haven't been for about 3 weeks. And when i haven't gone in a while i get kinda agitated and i feel like i need to go. I also miss it, because i actually like going to the gym :). I have been doing mini ab workouts before i go to bed though, which i think helps a bit.
My plan for tomorrow, is to have nothing during the day, because i will be at work (i don't like eating at work) and then maybe have a small packet of snack a jacks and some fruit. I will also be walking to and from work which is 30minutes each way.
Anyway i am going to go now so have a nice day and good luck :)
Logan x x

Tired!

Absolutely shattered today, my little sister wouldn't go to sleep last night and she shouting and screaming (i think she had a bad dream), so then she came in my bed, and my bed is a single so i was worried about squashing her. She was fine though in the morning. 

This week so far is actually going better than i thought it would. I think that is because i have been pretty busy. Today i have done pretty well, i did have some cheddar's though and i feel really bad for having them :(. Never mind, it's not like i binged on a whole load of them, i probably had a few more than a handful.

I weighed in this morning at 113.8lbs. But i am not really sure that is even accurate because yesterday i was 115.2lbs. It's also coming up to that time of the month so surely i should weigh a bit more than i normally would. And to think i was 116lbs at the start of the week.

So in my last post i said i would give you my stats, but i can only give you my height, weight and size because i am really scared to actually get the tape measure around my tummy :(. But i will do them very soon. Anyways here goes:

Height - 5'1

Weight - 113.8lbs

Size 8-10 (UK) 4-6 (US)

I am going to go now because i am really excited to go and find some blogs for motivation.

Love Logan x x 

It's About Time

Welcome to my blog. I am fairly new to blogger, however i did have a other account but i lost the email. Silly me!

I better introduce myself. I go under the name of Logan, which isn't my real name but i don't want to be discovered on here. I am 16 years of age and i am training to be a hairdresser :).

The reason i have made this blog is because for most of my life i have been obsessed with my weight. When i was about 9 years old, i thought i needed to lose weight. I didn't start losing weight though until i was 12. And i lost weight dramatically, i probably got down to about 4 and a half stone. But then i started to put on weight and hating every pound that i piled on. Ever since, i have days of restricting and days of binging. I don't think i have ever had a day where i have eaten like a normal person. 

So, i have made this blog to help me lose weight and keep track of myself. I have also found some great thinspo and motivational blogs.

I will post my stats and diet plan tomorrow. Just a bit too lazy and tired to do it right now :).

I hope this will be the start of a great new beginning. Have a great day.

Lots of love Logan x x