Tuesday 9 October 2012

Help! I Need Some Kind Of Guidence....I Think.

I can't help myself, it keeps happening and i don't know why. I need to get my motivation back and start restricting really hard again, to the point where i feel faint with hunger and so empty, that i can feel NOTHING in my tummy.
I have decided today will be my very last day to eat like a normal person and then never, ever again will i be able to. I am hopefully going to fast Wednesday, Thursday and Friday  From then on i have decided i can have a maximum of 800 cals a day but they have got to be split into 100 calorie meals. So one day i might have 500 cals and then the next 600 and so on.
I also need to get back to the gym, i seem to never go anymore. I just never get the time anymore but i have to learn to make time otherwise this weight will never come off.
I think i am still under 110lbs, i am just too afraid to weigh myself at the moment.
My boyfriend was asking me what i wanted for dinner and i said nothing, he was like but you have to eat something. I told him i wasn't hungry but he wouldn't have any of it. I still didn't eat anything, i think it pissed him off a bit because he stormed outside and had a fag. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. And then he was like 'do you just not eat because you think you are fat?' it shocked me a bit but it's so true and then he started telling me about his friend and her ED and i kind of got a bit defensive because he was basically saying to me that i was the same as her. To me someone with a ED, has the physical and the mental behaviors. I am nowhere near physically having a ED. To me, i have a weird relationship with food. I always have and i probably always will.
I just need some help on some diets i could do, if anyone has some good ideas please let me know and share the magic :)
Thankyou lots of love Logan x xx

Tuesday 2 October 2012

I Hate Myself More With Each Passing Day

I am ashamed to say that i binged again today. I feel sick, ugly, fat, worthless and disgusting. If i could have one wish, it would be for all this to go away and never have to worry about what i eat and don't eat. I feel useless and lazy, i haven't been doing anything for anyone lately and it makes me feel sick because i don't want to be that person, I hate being lazy or called lazy because to me that makes me feel fat.
I have a event that i have to attend on the 14th October which is less than two weeks away, i think it's something like 12 days away, i have to be thinner by then i don't care what i have to do to get there, i just have to be there. I think i should have one meal one day and then fast for the next. This is very risky because it could easily lead to a binge but if i am strong, i should be able to do it (hopefully).
I am also meeting my sister on the 28th October and i would love her to be like "have you lost weight", that would be pretty cool :).
I have a really good motivator to lose weight as well. It's my 18th next July and i am going to get a tattoo, i really want it on my hip and how embarrassing would it be if i got my fat belly out for a tattoo, no i want to be thin so that the tattooist can actually see my hipbone.
Thought i would post some thinspo for some motivation :)




Monday 1 October 2012

I Can Feel Myself Slipping Again

Hello there,
It has been ages since i last did a post. I have just been sooo busy but i thought tonight i would take the time to actually post something.
I need to get back on blogger again because i can feel myself slipping back into my nights of binging and i dont want that. I binged tonight and i dont really know the reason why i did it. I weighed myself yesterday morning and i think i was 108lbs. I did have a cup of coffee before but oh well. But i need to start losing again, i want that feeling of emptiness again. That feeling can be so addictive but when you eat something and feel full again, you seem to forget that feeling very quickly.
So tomorrow i think i will do a fast and if that doesnt work out i will have a little jelly or something. I feel so full right now that i feel sick and it hurts :(
Hope all you girlies are doing better than me :)
Lots of love Logan x x xx

Sunday 16 September 2012

It's Going To Get Better!

Hey, it's been a while since i last posted a proper post. Things have been going ok, i have had my bad days and some good days. More good than bad at the moment.
I have eaten too much today but tomorrow is Monday, start of a new week so i am going to put my motivation back into the diet.
Things with the boyfriend are going well too, he is so lovely and down to earth, he met my parents this week and they love him, which is always a good thing. It's hard to believe him though when he tells me i am beautiful and tiny. He is always saying that i don't eat enough and am quite skinny. It's not that i think he is lying to me, it's just i am not skinny enough for me.
Tomorrow i have quite a busy day so i don't think i am going to have enough time to go to the gym and Tuesday i have college and then i am catching up with a friend afterwards so the next possible time i have free for the gym is Wednesday. I feel so unfit right now and i miss running quite alot.
Anyways have a nice day and speak to you all very soon. x x x

Monday 10 September 2012

Silly Cow


All i have to say is i think i have eaten tooo much!

Friday 7 September 2012

Sorry, It's Been A While

Hey, everyone how are you? Things have been MENTAL lately.
So, i have some gossip to tell you guys. I met up with that guy i told you about, and we got along really well, it was quite weird hoe comfortable we were with each other. We have our own funny banter. Anyways that evening when we were waiting for my bus, he kissed me. Ahhh it was so lovely. We have been texting back and forth everyday since then. I thought i would have the guts and ask him to be my boyfriend (this feels so cheesy writing it down) and he said yes. So i am in a good and happy place at the moment.
And also *drumroll* i have lost weight. Usually when i don't post in a while it's because i have gone off the rails and put on a bunch of weight. I think last time i was somewhere around 112lbs, well this morning i got on the scales and 108.4 i think. I know it was 108.something. Also i have gone down a trouser size. I have been wearing skinny jeans to work and everyone says they like me in skinny jeans. Hopefully when i lose more weight i can wear skinny jeans more often.
Well, i hope you all are doing well. Sorry i haven't been posting and commenting in a while, it has just been really hectic lately and i haven't had the time.
Love Logan x x xx

Friday 31 August 2012

Might Be A Little Excited ;)

It's been a few days since my last post, not much has happened really. Eating went well this week apart from today, i had way too much to eat, that i can't even remember all that i had. Back on track tomorrow with a fast though.
Weighed myself yesterday morning and the scales said 112.6lbs. Yay! So excited. I doubt it will be that tomorrow though, but i am not going to weigh myself for a while again because i go off track if the numbers don't go down as quickly as i want them too.
So, do you remember that guy i told you about? Well he messeged me yesterday and we got talking as you do. And he asked me to go to this air show our town is doing. I was like 'hell yeah'. So we are going on Sunday and i am well excited. I am just worried on what to wear so i don't show the world my flab and fat. I thought about some skinny jeans, because everyone says i look good in them. I don't agree but whatever. And a nice shirt with a hoody because i am bound to get cold. It's always windy on the beach.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend and i will be back to give you deeetails :):)
Lots Of Love Logan x x