I can't help myself, it keeps happening and i don't know why. I need to get my motivation back and start restricting really hard again, to the point where i feel faint with hunger and so empty, that i can feel NOTHING in my tummy.
I have decided today will be my very last day to eat like a normal person and then never, ever again will i be able to. I am hopefully going to fast Wednesday, Thursday and Friday From then on i have decided i can have a maximum of 800 cals a day but they have got to be split into 100 calorie meals. So one day i might have 500 cals and then the next 600 and so on.
I also need to get back to the gym, i seem to never go anymore. I just never get the time anymore but i have to learn to make time otherwise this weight will never come off.
I think i am still under 110lbs, i am just too afraid to weigh myself at the moment.
My boyfriend was asking me what i wanted for dinner and i said nothing, he was like but you have to eat something. I told him i wasn't hungry but he wouldn't have any of it. I still didn't eat anything, i think it pissed him off a bit because he stormed outside and had a fag. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. And then he was like 'do you just not eat because you think you are fat?' it shocked me a bit but it's so true and then he started telling me about his friend and her ED and i kind of got a bit defensive because he was basically saying to me that i was the same as her. To me someone with a ED, has the physical and the mental behaviors. I am nowhere near physically having a ED. To me, i have a weird relationship with food. I always have and i probably always will.
I just need some help on some diets i could do, if anyone has some good ideas please let me know and share the magic :)
Thankyou lots of love Logan x xx
Tuesday 9 October 2012
Tuesday 2 October 2012
I Hate Myself More With Each Passing Day
I am ashamed to say that i binged again today. I feel sick, ugly, fat, worthless and disgusting. If i could have one wish, it would be for all this to go away and never have to worry about what i eat and don't eat. I feel useless and lazy, i haven't been doing anything for anyone lately and it makes me feel sick because i don't want to be that person, I hate being lazy or called lazy because to me that makes me feel fat.
I have a event that i have to attend on the 14th October which is less than two weeks away, i think it's something like 12 days away, i have to be thinner by then i don't care what i have to do to get there, i just have to be there. I think i should have one meal one day and then fast for the next. This is very risky because it could easily lead to a binge but if i am strong, i should be able to do it (hopefully).
I am also meeting my sister on the 28th October and i would love her to be like "have you lost weight", that would be pretty cool :).
I have a really good motivator to lose weight as well. It's my 18th next July and i am going to get a tattoo, i really want it on my hip and how embarrassing would it be if i got my fat belly out for a tattoo, no i want to be thin so that the tattooist can actually see my hipbone.
Thought i would post some thinspo for some motivation :)
I have a event that i have to attend on the 14th October which is less than two weeks away, i think it's something like 12 days away, i have to be thinner by then i don't care what i have to do to get there, i just have to be there. I think i should have one meal one day and then fast for the next. This is very risky because it could easily lead to a binge but if i am strong, i should be able to do it (hopefully).
I am also meeting my sister on the 28th October and i would love her to be like "have you lost weight", that would be pretty cool :).
I have a really good motivator to lose weight as well. It's my 18th next July and i am going to get a tattoo, i really want it on my hip and how embarrassing would it be if i got my fat belly out for a tattoo, no i want to be thin so that the tattooist can actually see my hipbone.
Thought i would post some thinspo for some motivation :)
Monday 1 October 2012
I Can Feel Myself Slipping Again
Hello there,
It has been ages since i last did a post. I have just been sooo busy but i thought tonight i would take the time to actually post something.
I need to get back on blogger again because i can feel myself slipping back into my nights of binging and i dont want that. I binged tonight and i dont really know the reason why i did it. I weighed myself yesterday morning and i think i was 108lbs. I did have a cup of coffee before but oh well. But i need to start losing again, i want that feeling of emptiness again. That feeling can be so addictive but when you eat something and feel full again, you seem to forget that feeling very quickly.
So tomorrow i think i will do a fast and if that doesnt work out i will have a little jelly or something. I feel so full right now that i feel sick and it hurts :(
Hope all you girlies are doing better than me :)
Lots of love Logan x x xx
It has been ages since i last did a post. I have just been sooo busy but i thought tonight i would take the time to actually post something.
I need to get back on blogger again because i can feel myself slipping back into my nights of binging and i dont want that. I binged tonight and i dont really know the reason why i did it. I weighed myself yesterday morning and i think i was 108lbs. I did have a cup of coffee before but oh well. But i need to start losing again, i want that feeling of emptiness again. That feeling can be so addictive but when you eat something and feel full again, you seem to forget that feeling very quickly.
So tomorrow i think i will do a fast and if that doesnt work out i will have a little jelly or something. I feel so full right now that i feel sick and it hurts :(
Hope all you girlies are doing better than me :)
Lots of love Logan x x xx
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