Tuesday 9 October 2012

Help! I Need Some Kind Of Guidence....I Think.

I can't help myself, it keeps happening and i don't know why. I need to get my motivation back and start restricting really hard again, to the point where i feel faint with hunger and so empty, that i can feel NOTHING in my tummy.
I have decided today will be my very last day to eat like a normal person and then never, ever again will i be able to. I am hopefully going to fast Wednesday, Thursday and Friday  From then on i have decided i can have a maximum of 800 cals a day but they have got to be split into 100 calorie meals. So one day i might have 500 cals and then the next 600 and so on.
I also need to get back to the gym, i seem to never go anymore. I just never get the time anymore but i have to learn to make time otherwise this weight will never come off.
I think i am still under 110lbs, i am just too afraid to weigh myself at the moment.
My boyfriend was asking me what i wanted for dinner and i said nothing, he was like but you have to eat something. I told him i wasn't hungry but he wouldn't have any of it. I still didn't eat anything, i think it pissed him off a bit because he stormed outside and had a fag. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. And then he was like 'do you just not eat because you think you are fat?' it shocked me a bit but it's so true and then he started telling me about his friend and her ED and i kind of got a bit defensive because he was basically saying to me that i was the same as her. To me someone with a ED, has the physical and the mental behaviors. I am nowhere near physically having a ED. To me, i have a weird relationship with food. I always have and i probably always will.
I just need some help on some diets i could do, if anyone has some good ideas please let me know and share the magic :)
Thankyou lots of love Logan x xx

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